Date posted: November 20, 2008 - Thursday
Title: I am officially "OLD"!
Current mood: cantankerous
OK, I put it off as long as I could. I didn't want to admit it or have any part of it, but I was forced into it by law.
I had to admit that I am finally, "officially" …OLD!
My outlook isn't any different. My attitude still seems young to me. I still think there are things that I can accomplish. There are dreams I held in my youth that I still cherish. I am still attracted to much younger women. But, by government regulation, I had to apply for Medicare.
Yep, about three months before you turn 65 you have to apply for Medicare. And since my birthday comes up in January, I was already overdue to make the application.
Besides law, circumstances were also working against me. My health coverage expired at the end of October and there was no way I could afford my prescriptions if I paid full retail for the drugs I have to take for my Type II diabetes.
I'm not even sure I can afford them under Medicare either, but that's the way I have to go.
I managed to get enough medicine from my old coverage just before it expired in October that I think I am covered through the end of the year and a little bit into January, but after that it is cold turkey unless I am able to find a company I can afford to help cover the cost of drugs.
But the real kicker in all this is I had to bow down to the inevitable and apply for Social Security benefits as well.
I wanted to put that off because I haven't reached my full “retirement” age yet and the amount I will be getting will be reduced. Hell, even if I had waited until I reached 66 (my "full retirement age") the amount of the checks would still only be a drop in the bucket compared to what I need to survive, but I bowed to the pressure of needing at least some kind of income.
It's a hell of a thing having to admit that you are on the downward side of life, that there are more days behind you than in front of you.
Oh, intellectually I knew that was so a long time ago, but having to articulate it, having to have it recorded on paper is a whole other thing entirely.
Don't think this is a plea for sympathy or pity. I know there are a whole lot of people who never had the chance to even reach the age I have attained. This is just, as Dylan Thomas said, a rage against the dying of the light.
But it is a milestone along the path of life I thought, as a young man, I would never reach. It is also a victory I have reached it, but a dubious victory.
Considering the alternative, I'm glad to be here. But my pleasure at attaining 'old' age is tempered with what I may have lost and what I have not accomplished.
