Date posted: February 12, 2007 - Monday
Title: Valentine's Day sucks
Current mood: Lonely
It's that time of year again. The time I'd like to be a part of, but can't.
For a couple of weeks now I've heard and read about it. This is the time when a guy knows he has to do something special for the woman in his life or he will "hear about it" for a long time.
And I buy into that. When there was a reason, I took great joy in finding something special, or thinking of something special to do; something I hoped would touch he heart of a special woman.
But, this year, like too many before, I can't participate.
Not that I have given up on the idea of romance and love. Far from it. I think I was born a romantic and an idealist and have been fighting against these traits all my life. Too much hurt when reality intrudes on the dream.
I can't participate because there is no special woman in my life. There is no woman at all in my life. Oh I have some women who are friends, but not to the level where I, or they, would feel comfortable if I sent flowers, candy or a special gift.
And it's not like I expect anything on this day either. Most of the time when I did have someone special in my life, Valentine's Day was a one-way street. I would try to so something special, but never expected anything coming in my direction.
But there are times when this empty feeling I get from not being a part of this tradition can be very wearing on the psyche and the soul. Sometimes you just wish February 14 would pass quietly, much like you walk quietly in a strange neighborhood. No hoopla, no brightly colored newspaper ads to remind you there is something missing in your life. Just another day.
